Discomfort after Ejaculation.?

Ok so I woke around 5 am I couldn't sleep went to watch TV 1h later the sun comes out so I decide to go to sleep.. Rubbing off my bed makes me fall asleep time to time.. And I'm half awake and I had a dream about due to my aunts (No! I'm not a er , happened once and I feel like crap about it), so on then this feeling comes to my paynus and I d halfway , I got up washed myself below e.g , and I only once every few months I'm 15 , and I feel like crap because I'm Jewish and some of the rabbis say it's the biggest sin of all so I barely **** , I watch ual content when I'm Mad but I can't seem to ease the crappy feeling after all of it.. I'm turning 16 in around 5 days , so please why is it that I get this feeling , + I rarely do it..